


Ben has a problem

by sadvelociraptor



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Abuse, Anorexia, Anxiety, Ben centric, Eating Disorders, F/M, Mentions of abuse and neglect, This is very short, ben has an eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:55:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadvelociraptor/pseuds/sadvelociraptor
Summary: Force feeding him wasn’t a plan, she didn’t even have a plan, she just wanted him to admit he had a problem.Beverly wasn’t going to save the day like the love interest in a rom-com, she knew she would need therapists and maybe even hospitalisation.





	Ben has a problem

**Author's Note:**

> TW: abuse, anorexia/eating disorders, no proofreading, bad writing

Ben lay on the floor of his bathroom, legs raised at an awkward angle, his head lifted slightly of the floor in a way that pained his neck.  
He was trying to alleviate the pain that came with not eating in three days, sure he had half an apple this morning, but running around the apartment complex all day had likely brought those ~47.5calories into the negatives.  
Ben knew he had a problem, but he had a problem before as well. He was an obese child, and now he had a BMI of sixteen.  
It should have felt like enough, but he needed the closure of being skinny, he wanted it to be outright absurd for someone to call him fat, or egg, or tits.

Beverly would notice. He knew that. She was already suspicious, everyone was.  
But the thought of telling them made him feel sick, this was an improvement, he didn’t want to go back to being tits.  
He’d taken precaution to avoid Beverly discovering, it was pretty easy. They were never exactly joint at the hip, they held hands and they kissed, but neither was particularly sexually inclined, and Ben found it very easy not to take his clothes off in front of her.  
College made them both run around like crazy to get to classes and catch busses, and he couldn’t remember the last time he sat down for a meal with her.  
Ben could only remember shoving his fingers down his throat afterwards. 

Part of it all was the idea of attainable goals, somehow it helped with his anxiety- it had become an obsession, something to rely on. Not eating gave his life more order, and Ben liked order. Not the way Stan did, or even the way Eddie did, it was simply a comfort.  
If he missed a bus, he would think ‘It’ll be okay, it has to be; I haven’t eaten.’  
Ben knew it was unhealthy, and wrong, but he loved it. He loved being told he was thin rather than fat, he loved how easy it was to be ignored by strangers rather than ridiculed, he loved how little people payed attention to him. When he was a kid, people stared at him because he was big, he hated the it, and was thrilled by his newfound ability to go unnoticed. 

Something about it angered him though, if being thin was as easy as this, then why did he spend most of his life being fat?  
Why did he have to ruin his own childhood and let people bully him for his weight.  
It was a tipping point for Ben, he began skipping school and staying at home alone, distracting himself with work and study, and eventually; fantasy.  
Ben started creating his own universe, where everything was okay, he was allowed to eat, he had been skinny forever, so thin that he looked like a skeleton, but the best part was that nobody cared. Ben was allowed to please himself with his self-destruction and his aversion to attention became a false reality he forgot was imaginary. 

He stopped talking to people, Beverly was an exception, a few words here and there to suffice her, but Ben had begun to think it didn’t matter, he truly believed that nobody cared. Suddenly it became painful, he had convinced himself that nobody loved him, and he was beginning to feel worthless. Every word his friends said was evidence they didn’t want him around, that they hated him. He agonised over his girlfriend, having decided she didn’t love him. 

It took two months for Bev to realise she had to stop pretending her boyfriend wasn’t dying. Ben was too thin, his legs were the size of her arms, his eyes were sunken, his cheeks were hallowed.  
He didn’t look like Ben, there was no life in his eyes, just confusion and hatred.  
Beverly had never particularly cared about Bens weight, they got together when they were thirteen, and although she wanted him to be healthy- it didn’t bother her too much.  
She had mixed feelings about his dieting, Beverly loved Ben, and she wanted him to feel good about himself.  
But this wasn’t feeling good about yourself, he poked at his food as though it would kill him, and in turn, it killed Bev.  
She didn’t want to see him in pain.  
It could be so easy not to.

It was the idea that she was becoming like her mother that made her snap.  
Elfrida was a wonderful woman, a kind one, but she ignored the abuse Beverly suffered from her father almost entirely.  
Beverly used to think it was because her mother didn’t care, but now she realised it was because she couldn’t stomach acknowledging it.  
Beverly would equate it to the sickening feeling she got at the sight of blood, she wasn’t much tougher than her mother. More street-smart and quick-witted, perhaps- but still relatively sensitive.  
It was something her father taught her to conceal. 

Over time it became more than a matter of the pressure her father put on her to grow up, it was a symbol of her femininity.  
Beverly hated her femininity, it was something that had only ever oppressed her.  
She wanted to be one of the guys, and didn’t want to be the odd one out amongst her friends. It was silly, there could never be an odd one out in the losers club, they were all there because they were the odd ones out.  
Beverly realised that soon enough.  
She started expressing her interest in makeup, which pleased Eddie, (as to everyone’s surprise he had begun experimenting with it too). She grew her hair out, which Stan enjoyed because he loved touching it when he was stimming.  
Mike loved her fashion sense, Richie loved her nails, (and started painting his own too).  
Bill loved the smell of perfume, as it comforted him and calmed him anxiety. 

Ben loved that she was comfortable with being emotional in front of him, she wasn’t as big a crybaby as Richie, or even Bill, but she wasn’t a feelingless rock.

Beverly had grown into an independent and strong woman nonetheless, and was going to deal with her possibly anorexic boyfriend head on.  
So she called in sick to her job at a shitty cafe a few blocks from the apartment building, and sat at the counter, a whole meal in front of her and the empty seat across the table.  
Force feeding him wasn’t a plan, she didn’t even have a plan, she just wanted him to admit he had a problem.  
Beverly wasn’t going to save the day like the love interest in a rom-com, she knew he would need therapists and maybe even hospitalisation. 

Beverly was determined, and Ben was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
